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AUTISM

​葛雪梅
Xuemei Ge

Digital Film
2018

AUTISM is a deeply personal short film exploring the themes of loneliness and the pursuit of happiness. Created during a photography aesthetics course in my sophomore year, the film reflects on my own feelings of isolation and the desperate search for fulfillment.

The inspiration came after my breakup with my first love—a relationship where I believed I had found light and direction in my solitary life. However, I later realized it was an illusion, a fragile bubble bound to burst. The experience forced me to question whether the happiness I sought was genuine or simply a means to escape loneliness.

This reflection extended beyond myself to society, where many seek fleeting distractions—parties, thrills, smoking, or shallow connections—to mask their emptiness. Yet, these temporary pleasures only numb pain without addressing its root.

Through this film, I not only confronted my own solitude but also found clarity in seeking authentic happiness. I hope this work resonates with others, inspiring them to reflect on their own experiences and find true joy within themselves.

 

《autism》是一个比较私人的创作影片,它创作于大二的摄影美学课。讲述的是自我孤单与寻找快乐的故事。

我是一个时常感到孤单的人,并且这种孤单在我人生经历越增多的同时越来越明显。

感觉仿佛一个人在这个世界里漂浮,世界很大,像海;我却很小,像尘。

我在这种强烈的孤单和虚无中迫切的想要着快乐和幸福。

这个短片是在我与我初恋分手之后创造的,在经历初恋的时期,我以为我找到了我孤单人生中光芒和方向,我曾对ta比喻,遇到你就像我漂浮在水中沉沉浮浮就要淹死时刻抓到一根救命稻草。每一刻无比的幸福与快乐充斥着我,像活在梦幻的泡泡里,也终究必将破碎。一切发现只不过是自己幻想的泡沫,太过美好,也太容易破碎。我真的爱ta吗?

被孤单迫使去寻找的快乐,是真的快乐吗?还是只是为了逃避痛苦和寂寞的一个替代品?

在分手之后我进行了快半年的一段低落时期,极端的否定和怀疑自我。

期间我开始思索了很多,我不爱ta,可能喜欢过,但终究只是将ta作为了一个虚无的感情寄托,我真正想要的什么,寻找自我才是我真正应该去抓住的东西。

我觉得不只是我,现代很多人也是这样,因为被孤独感驱使着去寻找着快乐的替代品,例如很多人沉迷于酒吧,刺激,抽烟,性。可是真的仔细想想,这些所谓的“快乐”真的是“快乐”吗?只不过是短暂的麻痹刺激而已。改变不了什么。

我真的感谢这段经历,虽然甜蜜,虽然痛苦,但却真正成就了现在的我。

所以这是我一个探索孤独与快乐的短片,很庆幸我也在其中找到了答案,也希望能给更多人一种思考,让我们能够真正的去寻找到最真诚的快乐。

 

最后,致ta:希望我越来越好,也希望你一切安好。   

@ Xuemei Ge

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